| Welcome friend! Enjoy the introduction to my book Cracking the Seed. The finishing touches are being pasted together with much love and care and available soon. Love Laura Cracking the Seed © 2007 Laura Hamill Writing Evolution The story of my soul’s evolution. How I got from there to here. I had to give up everything I thought was important. Everything external in my life. Including the man I loved. Only after all the makings of what I thought was my life were gone did this journey begin. The beginning of Cracking the Seed The Light came pouring in one night in April 2004. Two months after John passed. When every piece and component of the life of Laura Hamill had broken off of me like chunks of glass, sharp and cutting each time one fell away. I had nothing that seemed familiar. Not even the physical attributes of my external life. You know those things you can touch and feel and see that hold a memory of a time you were somewhere else or doing something else. Those things were not there to touch. We had sold our home to move in with my mother and help take care of her. We had boxed and crated the memories of 22 years that filled the home and placed them in storage. He was working, I was not. We had each other. We had Jake, the magic basset hound (since passed in 2007). Then in three months it was different. Then there was me. There was Jake. A handful of friends and family. What happened to make the seed crack? Total and utter loss and desolation. I did not want to stand up one more day. I did not want to take one more breath. I was visitng family in San Clemente (two of the handful of friends and family). I could not write one more word in my Journal of Grief……it really deserves capital letters. I could not see what I was writing and if any ink hit the page the tears just blurred the words. I put my pen down and told God if he wanted me to stand up tomorrow it was up to him, I was done with it, not interested in being here anymore. Period. The Seed Cracked. Understand me here. I was not a meditating person then. I was not spiritual in the sense that I was awake and aware of everything around me. I was a loving woman who was torn apart by grief. My soulmate was gone. To then see what I saw – then and since – nothing could ever make me want to turn the corner to go back. I saw my soul. The lights in brilliant illumination that are the real me. A seed shaped light from magenta red at the base to violet blue at the top – opened before me with no sound just complete brilliance. Like a seed being peeled open. Then the White Light of our Creator. There is no light on this earth that can describe this – it is so clear and so intense that everything else fades. The Glow of Love - complete and totally unconditional. I did not need to ask what this was. I did not need to know anything else. I just knew. It was all for this. This is where my journey began. Why I am here, now. Why all the love I had for John had to be flipped over to see the side of grief. To find this gift. I said before in a poem I wrote – to know great grief you had to know great joy. So I am sharing this journey now for others that are in grief. I am going to share each and every part of my soul’s journey from that moment forward. I hope to soften their path, to share some words that will comfort them and let them open to the love that is always there for them. To share love because that is really what this journey is all about. Love. It solves everything, everything. No matter what is put in front of you that seems insurmountable – you only have to look at it with love. Along with these words there is also a sharing of this – I do not judge others on the path of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Just grieve anyway you want. The tools I found that helped me were way down on the bottom of a list of hobbies the grief group passed out – art and meditation. I had learned to paint and draw botanical art just three years before John passed. This helped me heal – once before with a movement disorder and here it was again ready to help soften my load – the gentle act of creating something does something wonderful to my heart. Then meditation – what a wonderful gift this was to receive. It started with some beautiful music sitting under the stars with binoculars at night and is a daily practice for me now. The act of breathing in meditation brings me back home – every day. To that glow I felt when the seed cracked. It is really easy now. It is all about love. So follow me now – turn the page. I reach out to you through space and time and light – to hold your hand as you read this and wipe your tears as you cry and laugh. It really was quite a ride. |
|||
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |